生活真有趣,處處冷幽默
腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎伴隨著呈現(xiàn)的答案被理解的瞬間，往往是無(wú)盡的笑聲和“原來(lái)如此”的感慨。下面陽(yáng)光網(wǎng)小編為大家整理了腦袋急轉(zhuǎn)彎笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。
關(guān)于大學(xué)經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：Three tough mice
Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how tough I am."
I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddieslook at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home to screw the cat."
關(guān)于大學(xué)經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：The swearing parrot
There's a guy who owns a parrot that swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much. The guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him hard and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." He locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At this point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet . At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's worried enough to open the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man isastounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did that chicken ever do to you?"
關(guān)于大學(xué)經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：Well endowed
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar with money in it and a horse standing next to it. The bartender told the man to put a dollar in the jar and make the horse laugh. So the man put a dollar into the jar and told the horse something. Suddenly the horse began to laughhysterically. The man took the money and left.
The next day the man walked into the bar and saw the jar of money and the horse standing next to it. This time, the bartender told the man to make the horse cry. the man put a dollar in the jar, walked over to the horse, and the horse began to cry. The man took the money and as he was about to leave when the bartender asked him...
"How did you do that?" the man replied, "On the first day, I told the horse my dick was longer than his, and on the second day, I showed him."
關(guān)于大學(xué)經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：Bear hunting
Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go."
Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him.
The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??"
Again, Bob makes love to a bear.
The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before.
This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
關(guān)于大學(xué)經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：Cat and the rooster
There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished, looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, the rooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby. The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating it quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure satisfaction.
The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself,"Well, if he can do it, I can do it." Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the cat spots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail, arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on the mouse, only to end up in the lake. What is the moral of the story?
Where there is a satisfied cock, there is a wet pussy...
笑話是一種重要的交際手段，可以幫助人們解決與人交往時(shí)的。困惑本文是關(guān)于簡(jiǎn)短的英文笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助!
關(guān)于簡(jiǎn)短的英文笑話：Martian Lovin'
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member-about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache. . .she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
關(guān)于簡(jiǎn)短的英文笑話：True Love
A husband and wife went to dinner and celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Afterwards they returned home and went to their patio to relax with a glass of wine and to reflect on their fifty years together.
After a while the husband said to his wife: Honey in all the years together, was there ever a time when you were unfaithful to me?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one time early in our marriage. Remember when you had lost your job and the bank was going to foreclose on the house. I made a trip to town, saw the banker and we got the loan extended until you returned to work.
The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved our home; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that one time. Was there ever another time?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one other time. Remember when you had gotten sick and needed an operation or you would die, but we didn’t have any insurance. I made a trip to town, saw the doctor and you got the operation..
The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved my life; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that time either. Was there another time?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Well there was just one other time. Remember when you were running for club president and you only needed 58 more votes………..
關(guān)于簡(jiǎn)短的英文笑話：A Drunken Night
A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her.
He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million.
This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting.
Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.
In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.
He asks the leprechaun what is going on.
"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."
"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"
"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."
"And them out there?" asks the guy,
"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."
笑話是一種藝術(shù)方法，用這種方法造成以笑為藝術(shù)手段的文學(xué)藝術(shù)作品。幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。下面是陽(yáng)光網(wǎng)小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇一：停止打你老婆
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”
這個(gè)故事講的是一個(gè)咄咄逼人的辯護(hù)律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對(duì)方的證人。
有一個(gè)證人有點(diǎn)傾向于在回答問(wèn)題之前做冗長(zhǎng)的解釋。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護(hù)律師怒喝道： “你沒(méi)有必要就這個(gè)問(wèn)題進(jìn)行爭(zhēng)論。”
“可是有些問(wèn)題無(wú)法用‘是’或者‘不是’來(lái)回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。
“不存在這樣的問(wèn)題!”律師厲聲打斷他。
“噢，”證人說(shuō)：“那么請(qǐng)你回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇二：奇怪的關(guān)系
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個(gè)好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的'妻子正在生產(chǎn).護(hù)士過(guò)來(lái)對(duì)第一個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說(shuō):"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達(dá)雙子隊(duì)的經(jīng)理."過(guò)了一會(huì)兒,護(hù)士過(guò)來(lái)對(duì)第二個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護(hù)士跑來(lái)對(duì)第三個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了2對(duì)雙胞胎."男人很開(kāi)心地說(shuō):"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻�(gè)都很高興,但第四個(gè)伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問(wèn)他有什么不對(duì)勁,他回答道:"什么不對(duì)勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇三：一分鐘一百萬(wàn)
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問(wèn):"主啊, 一百萬(wàn)美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問(wèn):"那一百萬(wàn)年呢?"上帝說(shuō):"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過(guò)一秒鐘."
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇四：看外國(guó)人怎么神吐槽快遞慢(雙語(yǔ))
Long lines at the post office are par for the course, but we feel a special kind of rage when a delivery takes too long. Perhaps that's why this hilarious complaint to USPS.com is going viral right now on Reddit. Likening the post office to an ordinary box turtle, user malvoliosf explains how, despite paying $110 for priority shipping, it took eight days for his parcel to travel a distance of 14.8 miles。
在郵局里要排長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的隊(duì)伍，對(duì)此人們已經(jīng)司空見(jiàn)慣，不過(guò)對(duì)于快遞運(yùn)輸太慢的狀況，人們卻會(huì)由衷的感到憤慨�；蛟S正是因?yàn)檫@樣，這封寄給美國(guó)郵政局的投訴信自從在紅迪網(wǎng)上出現(xiàn)之后，迅速在網(wǎng)上爆紅。這位用戶名為malvoliosf 的小主將郵局比作一只平凡的箱龜。他解釋道，盡管花費(fèi)了110美元辦理了特快空運(yùn)，他的包裹卻用了8天的時(shí)間才到達(dá)了14.8英里之外的地方。
Zoom in to see the original complaint and read the transcription below。
以下讓我們來(lái)好好看看這封原始投訴信(附翻譯)：
投訴信 I paid $110 for PRIORITY and it took EIGHT DAYS to get my parcel from downtown San Francisco to the San Francisco airport, a distance of 14.8 miles. A turtle could have done that in four days. Seriously, I looked it up. An ordinary box turtle cruises 0.17 mph; it could make it from the Rincon Center post office to the cargo terminal of SFO in 87 hours. The United States Post Service took 179 hours to make the same trip。
我花了110美元辦理特快空運(yùn)業(yè)務(wù)，結(jié)果我的包裹花了8天的時(shí)間才從舊金山市中心運(yùn)到舊金山機(jī)場(chǎng)，距離只有14.8英里。一只烏龜只需要4天就能爬完這段距離了。說(shuō)真的，我查了的。一只普通的箱龜爬行的速度是每小時(shí)0.17英里。從林康中心郵局到舊金山碼頭它87小時(shí)就能夠爬完了。而美國(guó)郵政局的運(yùn)輸飛機(jī)花了179個(gè)小時(shí)才走完了同樣距離的行程。
And I had to wait in line at the post office. There is no line at the turtle store. I could have popped in, bought a turtle, strapped the parcel to its shell, and it would have gotten there in less than half the time。
而且我還必須在郵局里排隊(duì)等候。在寵物店里買烏龜可不用排隊(duì)等。也許我本應(yīng)該換個(gè)方法，買只烏龜，把包裹綁在它背上，這樣它只需要一半的時(shí)間到達(dá)目的地。
Can I get a refund here? A partial refund? A complimentary box of turtle food? Anything?
我有沒(méi)有得到退款呢?或者部分退款?一包作為補(bǔ)償?shù)臑觚旓暳?或者任何補(bǔ)償性的東西?(然并卵!)
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇五：One real man
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴(yán)格地，嚴(yán)厲地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
一個(gè)真正的男子漢
古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。
然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。
國(guó)王說(shuō)：看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。
陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。
冷笑話不同于一般的笑話，以其獨(dú)特的制笑機(jī)制，能瞬間制造出一種特殊氛圍。小編精心收集了簡(jiǎn)短又好笑的英文笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
簡(jiǎn)短又好笑的英文笑話篇1
Play Now Pay Later
先享受后付款
Jack the playboy had explored every corner of the world and dallied with many women,
花花公子杰克喜歡到世界各地探險(xiǎn)，和許多妓女風(fēng)流，
but in Hong Kong he finally encountered a professional girl who left him with far more thanfond memories.
但在香港，他終于遇到一名職業(yè)神女，這名神女留給他的不止是溫柔的回憶而已。
First, he consulted a British doctor.
首先他請(qǐng)教了一名英國(guó)醫(yī)生。
"Good Lord!" exclaimed the medic,
“我的天啊!”醫(yī)生叫道，
"you've got more venereal diseases than a medical textbook. I'm afraid we' re going to have toamputate. "
“你所患的性病比一本醫(yī)學(xué)教科書(shū)還要豐富，恐怕我們必須把你的東西切除掉。”
Horrified, the playboy sought out an American specialist, who shook his head gravely and said,
花花公子心生恐懼，便找了一位美國(guó)�？漆t(yī)師幫忙，但那名�？漆t(yī)師表情凝重地?fù)u頭說(shuō)：
"Sorry, son; if we don't amputate your member, the disease will spread to your other organs. "
“對(duì)不起，小兄弟，如果我們不切除那活兒，病毒將會(huì)感染到其他器官。”
Desperately, the swinger consulted a Chinese herbalist.
那名風(fēng)流公子走投無(wú)路，便向一位中醫(yī)請(qǐng)教。
The wise old man examined the patient carefully and nodded his head sagely.
這位充滿智慧的老先生仔細(xì)檢查病人后煞有介事地點(diǎn)頭說(shuō)道：
"I know your problem," he said. "You play with bad girl, she very sick, now you very sick. "
“我知道你的問(wèn)題。你和壞女人亂搞，她的性病很嚴(yán)重，你現(xiàn)在的病情也很嚴(yán)重。
“Doctor, the British and American doctors told me my pride and joy would have to be cut off... "
“大夫，英國(guó)和美國(guó)的醫(yī)生都說(shuō)我的東西必須要切除……”
"These Western doctors, all they want to do is cut, cut, cut, and charge big money. "
“這些西醫(yī)所做的就是切，切，切，然后收一大筆錢(qián)。”
"You mean I don't need surgery? ! " exclaimed the young man joyously.
“你意思是我可以不用動(dòng)外科手術(shù)?!”年輕人喜出望外地問(wèn)道。
"Don't you worry, " said the ancient practitioner.
“別擔(dān)心，”老中醫(yī)師說(shuō)：
"You go home, relax, wait two, three weeks, pecker fall off by himself."
“回家去，好好休息一陣，等二三個(gè)星期后，那活兒會(huì)自己掉下來(lái)。”
簡(jiǎn)短又好笑的英文笑話篇2
At Least You Get a Choice
至少你有所選擇
A newly deceased sinner had just entered hell, and was being shown around.
一名罪人去世后，剛下地獄就被帶往各處走走。
"I'll tell you how it works around here," declared a particularly hideous devil. "You get yourchoice of three punishments. Here's the first. "
“我將告訴你這里的狀況，”一位面目可憎的魔鬼宣布道。“你必須在三種刑罰中選一個(gè)，這是第一種。”
The sinner watched in horror as he saw men and women repeatedly being immersed in boilingwater.
罪人看見(jiàn)男男女女反復(fù)地被浸入沸騰的熱水中，嚇得目瞪口呆。
"Here's the second. " The poor sinner shuddered as he saw unfortunate people beingcontinually hounded by ferocious beasts and cruel demons.
“再看第二種。”可憐的罪人看到一些不幸的人被兇惡的野獸和殘酷的妖怪不停地追趕，嚇得直打哆嗦。
“And here's the third. ” A group was standing knee deep in shit and sipping tea.
“這是第三種。”一群人站在深及膝部的糞池中喝茶。
"Well,this seems all right," said the sinner."I'll take this one."And he joined the group.
“這個(gè)看來(lái)還可以，我就選這個(gè)。”罪人說(shuō)著便加入了那群犯人。
No sooner had he done so than another devil yelled out："OK, tea time's over. Get back onyour heads. "
就在他加入不久，一個(gè)魔鬼大聲喊道：“午茶時(shí)間結(jié)束，回到頭下腳上倒立的姿勢(shì)。”
簡(jiǎn)短又好笑的英文笑話篇3
Down on the Farm
農(nóng)場(chǎng)趣談
The farmer was painting the inside of his outhouse,
一位農(nóng)夫正在漆他茅房?jī)?nèi)的墻壁，
when he slipped on the seat and fell into the hole beneath.
一不小心由所坐的椅子上滑了一跤，跌落到下面的茅坑內(nèi)。
"Fire! Fire! Fire!" he yelled.
“失火了!失火了!失火了!”他叫道。
Shortly, the fire department arrived and one of the firemen leaned down and asked the farmer,
不久消防隊(duì)趕來(lái)了，一位消防人員彎下身來(lái)問(wèn)：
"Where's the fire?"
“哪里失火了呢?”
"There ain't no fire," said the farmer,
“事實(shí)上并未失火，”農(nóng)夫說(shuō)，
"but would you have come if I'd yelled "Shit! Shit! Shit ! ? "
“但若是我喊“大便喔!大便喔!你們會(huì)趕來(lái)嗎?”
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