幽默笑破肚皮英語(yǔ)笑話
幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。以下是小編為大家準(zhǔn)備的笑破肚皮英語(yǔ)笑話3則，一起來(lái)爆笑吧!
笑破肚皮英語(yǔ)笑話(一)
打碎玻璃
It's His FaultBilly and Bobby were small boys.They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other. Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now.Go out and play in the garden—and be good.” “Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out. They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen.“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs.Allen's house.” Mrs.Allen was one of their neighbors. “He's a bad boy，”his mother said.“How did he break it?” “I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down.”
比利和波比都是小男孩。他們是兄弟，兩人經(jīng)常打架。上個(gè)星期六，他們的媽媽對(duì)他們說(shuō)：“我現(xiàn)在要做午飯了。去，到花園去玩吧，別淘氣。” “是，媽媽，”兩個(gè)男孩回答，然后他們就出去了。他們?cè)诨▓@里玩了半個(gè)小時(shí)，然后比利跑進(jìn)了廚房。“媽媽，”他說(shuō)：“波比打碎了艾倫太太家的窗玻璃。”艾倫太太是他們的鄰居。 “他是個(gè)壞孩子，”他的媽媽說(shuō)。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?” “我朝他扔了一塊石子，”比利回答：“他趕緊蹲下。”
笑破肚皮英語(yǔ)笑話(二)
時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一個(gè)城市里的游客來(lái)到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過(guò)日子。這位城里人看見一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說(shuō)，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫回答說(shuō)，"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義?"
笑破肚皮英語(yǔ)笑話(三)
The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
瑞士面條樹
spaghetti harvest1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."
1957年愚人節(jié)BBC新聞中說(shuō)，瑞士的面條樹大豐收，農(nóng)民都在樹上收割面條。大量觀眾上當(dāng)受騙，打電話來(lái)咨詢面條樹的種植方法。BBC對(duì)此的回復(fù)是：把一根面條插在番茄醬里，然后就等著吧。
一個(gè)人的聰明才智會(huì)在幽默的談吐中閃光，并且會(huì)深深吸引他人。下面，小編給大家收集整理了小學(xué)生開心一刻英語(yǔ)笑話，增加幽默細(xì)胞，聰明的你一定會(huì)成為閃光點(diǎn)。
小學(xué)生開心一刻英語(yǔ)笑話【1】
New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
新發(fā)現(xiàn)
一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進(jìn)一座大樓，看見一個(gè)歲數(shù)很大的矮胖女人邁進(jìn)一個(gè)小房間。房間的門隨后關(guān)上，有幾個(gè)燈在閃亮。一會(huì)兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
鄉(xiāng)下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說(shuō)：“我應(yīng)該把我的老婆帶來(lái)!”
小學(xué)生開心一刻英語(yǔ)笑話【2】
"I no longer looker look like an old lady," said Sophia to her husband now busy solving a cross-word puzzle by the fire.
She had just been to her hairdresser and looked quite a different person.
The fellow lifted his head and muttered under his breath: "That's quite true, darling. You don't look like an old lady at all."
"And what do I look like?" insisted the lady blushing prettily.
"You look like an old gentleman."
“我看起來(lái)不再像個(gè)老太太了。”索菲亞對(duì)她正在火爐前玩填字游戲的丈夫說(shuō)。
她剛?cè)ミ^(guò)美發(fā)店，現(xiàn)在看起來(lái)完全像變了一個(gè)人。
那個(gè)老家伙抬起頭嘟囔著說(shuō)：“一點(diǎn)兒不錯(cuò)，親愛的。你看起來(lái)一點(diǎn)也不像個(gè)老婦人。”
“那我看起來(lái)像什么呢?”這位女士害羞地問(wèn)道。
“你看起來(lái)像個(gè)老紳士。”
小學(xué)生開心一刻英語(yǔ)笑話【3】
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
士兵的高招
由于生意方面的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因?yàn)橛悬c(diǎn)緊急，他決定坐飛機(jī)。乘機(jī)旅行時(shí)，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機(jī)，他就尋找一個(gè)靠窗的座位。他發(fā)現(xiàn)只有一個(gè)靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒(méi)有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個(gè)空座位走去。
然而，等到了那兒，他看見座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：“為保持裝載平衡，特預(yù)設(shè)該位置，謝謝合作。”羅賓遜先生還從來(lái)沒(méi)有在飛機(jī)上見過(guò)如此不同尋常的啟事。不過(guò)，他想飛機(jī)上一定裝了什么特別重的物品，于是他找了個(gè)不靠窗的位置。
又有兩三個(gè)乘客試圖坐在那個(gè)士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開了。當(dāng)快滿座時(shí)，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進(jìn)機(jī)艙。一直在注意進(jìn)艙旅客的那個(gè)士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
笑話是幽默的載體，一個(gè)成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會(huì)感到快樂(lè)、欣喜，拍掌叫好!生活需要笑話，今天我們就一起來(lái)看看精彩一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話吧!
精彩一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話(一)
A young girl's likes
A young girl was asked by her mother, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The girl replied, "I want to be an old maid."
Her mother was surprised to hear that, and said, "Oh,dear, why?" The girl said, "I don't think I would like to kiss a man so many times and to tell him he handsome every time. I will get bored. I like to go shopping, so I'd rather earn money to buy things for myself."
一個(gè)少女的母親問(wèn)她：“你長(zhǎng)大后想干什么呀?”少女說(shuō)：“我想做個(gè)老姑娘。”
她的.母親聽到這話感到非常驚訝。她說(shuō)：“啊，親愛的，這是為什么呀?”少女說(shuō)：“我覺(jué)得我不會(huì)老是要去親一個(gè)男人，而且每次還要說(shuō)他很帥。我會(huì)感到厭倦的。我喜歡逛商店，所以我寧愿去賺錢給自己買東西。”
精彩一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話(二)
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一個(gè)城市里的游客來(lái)到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過(guò)日子。這位城里人看見一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說(shuō)，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫 回答說(shuō)，"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義?"
精彩一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話(三)
JOY,it\'s timeto go to bed.
joy,該去睡覺(jué)了。{媽媽}
ok,Mum.i\'m coming!
哦，這就睡!{joy}
Have a sweet dream,joy.good night!
做個(gè)甜甜的夢(mèng)哦，晚安!{媽媽}
good niggt,Mum!
晚安，媽媽!{joy}
Sweet dream...how?
甜甜的夢(mèng)。。。。到底怎么才能做個(gè)甜甜的夢(mèng)呢?{joy}
Bingo!
有了!{joy}
joy,wahay are you doing?
the candy will make your teeth ache!
joy,你怎么睡前還吃糖啊!會(huì)牙疼的!{媽媽}
(joy,舉著糖，看著媽媽。){joy}
But you told me to have a sweet dream...
不是你說(shuō)要我做個(gè)甜甜的美夢(mèng)的嗎。。。{joy}
。。。。。。。。{媽媽}
從笑話中學(xué)習(xí)英語(yǔ)，輕松自在，讓你充滿自信、左右逢源。今天我們就一起來(lái)看看笑翻天英語(yǔ)笑話吧!
笑翻天英語(yǔ)笑話(一)
誰(shuí)是世界上第一個(gè)男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一個(gè)老師問(wèn)她的學(xué)生：“誰(shuí)是世界上第一個(gè)男人”一個(gè)小男孩立刻大聲說(shuō)：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶著寵溺的笑容問(wèn)這個(gè)男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個(gè)男人呢。”這個(gè)男孩子說(shuō)：“因?yàn)�，他是第一個(gè)挑起戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，第一個(gè)主張和平，并且是第一個(gè)深得民心的人。”這時(shí)，有一個(gè)年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來(lái)，老師問(wèn)他，“你認(rèn)為誰(shuí)是世界第一個(gè)男人?”男孩回答說(shuō)：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因?yàn)闅v史書上說(shuō)，喬治華盛頓和一個(gè)寡婦結(jié)婚了，所以在他之前，當(dāng)然還有一個(gè)男的啦。”
笑翻天英語(yǔ)笑話(二)
他們都在這里
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典獄長(zhǎng)對(duì)獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因?yàn)槊糠曛苣┑奶皆L日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來(lái)訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個(gè)探訪日，典獄長(zhǎng)把喬治叫到辦公室說(shuō)：“喬治，我注意到從來(lái)沒(méi)有人來(lái)探望過(guò)你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒(méi)有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當(dāng)然有，典獄長(zhǎng)，只不過(guò)他們?nèi)荚谶@里面!”
笑翻天英語(yǔ)笑話(三)
沒(méi)想到那么貴
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場(chǎng)擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說(shuō)，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒(méi)發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說(shuō)道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒(méi)有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。”
幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。今天我們就一起來(lái)看看精選一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話吧!
精選一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話(一)
I Understand Him我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時(shí)候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因?yàn)樗麧M嘴食物在說(shuō)話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責(zé)備道，“沒(méi)人明白你在說(shuō)什么。” “他說(shuō)他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說(shuō)。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過(guò)來(lái)問(wèn)道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫(yī)。”我丈夫解釋道。
精選一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話(二)
我可以回家了
Now i can go home
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
我 可 以 回 家 了
一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說(shuō)：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能回答我的第一個(gè)問(wèn)題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問(wèn)：“誰(shuí)涂的? 請(qǐng)站起來(lái)。”鮑勃說(shuō)：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見。”
精選一分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話(三)
怎么把口香糖取出來(lái)呢
How do I get the gum out? Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出來(lái)呢當(dāng)空中小姐給乘客們發(fā)口香糖的時(shí)候，她解釋說(shuō)口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機(jī)著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說(shuō)道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來(lái)呢?”
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